Thank you, Mr. Fear

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not. – Virgil Thomson

When I was a child I remember feeling extremely fearful much of the time. Some rational and some not so rational. I was afraid that I would fail a test, fall at dance class, be attacked by a snake, choke when I was eating, fall off of building, get hit by a car on my bike, dinosaurs would roam the earth once again and snatch me out of my bed and eat me in the middle of the night, break bones in gymnastics class, forget Bible verses in Bible drill, not know  how to kiss a boy when the time came, that I was adopted and my parents never told me, that Santa was not real…oh the list goes on and on.

Fear is an interesting thing.  I am not sure that I ever fully overcome it about some things, but I’ve learned a healthy respect for it. Even in circumstances where I have faced the dread and found joy in doing those things that originally scared me, there lingers still a hint of fright. The hangover of fear becomes my fuel, my motivation to keep going. It’s the very thing that makes me believe in something bigger than myself. . It’s the intersection of faith and fear that allows me to live beyond myself, remove boundaries, and  really experience life. Because this life and earth we live on is a scary place most of the time.

Distance running scares me. Last weekend I ran the furthest I’ve ever run – a whopping 14 miles. It’s the first time I’ve gone beyond my race distance in training for a half. I’ve always been too scared to go further.

Each weekend when my long run rolls around, my belly fills with an anxiousness that is like a tiny million ants crawling around and my head swarms with thoughts in so many directions that I often never find a deep sleep the night before. Fear of how hard it may be ,and how tired I may feel, and whether I my endurance will hold up, all nearly have me calling in sick to the next days scheduled training run. But I step out of myself, take a long hard look in the mirror and tell myself to trust my training, trust the workouts (even the dreaded sprints), trust the strength I visibly see bulging in my legs, trust my running buddy,  and  trust the Lord. Then I slip on my shoes and head out the door before the sun rises to face my fear head on.

So, thank you Mr. Fear. If not for your existence, transformation in my life might not be possible.

Reason #4,579 that I LOVE Girls on the Run is because of the amazing transformation that happens in the girls lives over the 10 weeks they are together. As s former coach, I have seen the possibilities realized and love to watch the girls learn about their #limitlesspotential. They learn how to face fears and overcome obstacles and find joy in the process. You can help support them by supporting me. Just click here to make a donation of any amount. Race day is just 2 weeks away – eek!

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